i'm a very transparent person you can easily detect when im happy and when im not i take no time trying to hide my emotions a friend once told me "its not always black and white, there are grays in this world" i never really understood what he said... maybe it was just the stubborn lad not wanting to listen... well like the cliche goes... fall flat in your face... since i am the boss of my world- thoughts, words and actions- i fell flat on my face... since i am in command of my own stupidity in this world... i have to learn to stand on my own... 2000-2006 has been years of challenges and turbulence for me... years of unknowing and knowing me again... of learning and re-learning... of forgiving, letting go and forgetting... I ran to people around me, trying to seek comfort, time and hugs... got none Not because they didn't want to give me But because most didn't believe I really needed it... I was always known for being the CENTURY TREE... the person who knew what to do with everything... the person who fought for what she believed in... the person who despite all freaking trials knew what to do, what to say and how to solve things... Wish it was like algebra where I close my eyes and solutions just come to mind... Wish it was like French class with Mademoiselle Beth Climaco... translations are just a speed dial away from my brain... I wish life was like broadcomm, media comm, theatre prod, scriptwriting, media prod... it would have been easy to get a scholarship If life was my thesis... i could easily get my 12 balls and a medal for perfect theories and application... But life aint no where near anything i learned in school... life aint about ABC... 123... life aint about knowing what you want and getting what you want... life aint about aiming high and dreaming high! life is not just about me... at my age today, i lost most of my idealism... at my age today, learned that I cant have everything in this world... at my age today, learned that wanting something badly is never equated to having it completely at my age today, learned... when to fight and when to take a step back... at my age today, learned... say what i want and shut when i should... at my age today, learned... life is cruel and life is cool... at my age today, in the year 2007- i shut my mouth... i turn my back... bid my bye... and i sail anew! cause it's not about me losing... its about me accepting that there are fights worth fighting for... and there are those I just have to learn to simply let go...
on relationships
"i don't want someone who makes myself their life, as if our relationship is the only end objective. i'm not saying that i'm just as flighty and non-committal, i just have so many interests that i don't feel there's a void i have to fill. i'm just being elusive but it doesn't mean i'm not responsible enough." --ryann
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